Chapter 255 - [Now, You May Kiss the Bride] , III
I thought about it long and hard.
About how Section Chief Lee Jaheon could possibly escape from this insane ‘Groom Lesson’ ghost story in one piece.
‘I really, really considered every method I could think of…’
Ways to slip through the cracks outside the rules.
From admitting that he was already married and thus couldn’t possibly marry again, to insisting that he had some fatal flaw that made him unfit to be a groom.
But considering the trend of the exploration logs, I could already predict what kind of spine-chilling outcome would follow…
‘He’d probably get interrogated by the education housemaster for lying about his eligibility while saying something like ‘Then let’s make you eligible’, before doing something so outrageous it’d end up getting censored out of the record…’
The appeal of this ghost story lay in how cleverly one could match the ‘answer key’. That is, fully embodying ‘the virtues of a groom’ even under unforeseen circumstances.
Or, if they failed, in the absurd and grotesque way they’d die for it.
In the end, whether you were disqualified or unworthy, anyone who didn’t meet the ‘standard of the groom’ almost certainly met a grim, ominous, and deeply symbolic horror-story ending.
Groom Lesson.
A psychological and physical labyrinth that drives people mad precisely because it never gives up on its trainees.
If that’s the case…
‘Then the only answer… is a full-frontal breakthrough.’
And the one who had the necessary stats for that ‘full-frontal’ approach was…
Braun.
A being of fierce charisma, the embodiment of entertainment itself, the living incarnation of talk shows.
A creature who could move according to a logic entirely alien to that collective ‘us’.
– It would definitely help if Braun becomes the groom candidate.
‘It’s worth a shot.’
That was the conclusion I came to after hearing the details about this place, given the atmosphere, the nature of the educators called housemasters, and their description of the wedding.
The problem was…
[Mr. Roe Deer, this Braun here may have received the wrong signal. Good heavens, surely my friend didn’t just ask that I possess the body of a terrorist!]
Yeah.
The problem was that I had to persuade both sides…
– Braun.
[Of course.]
[If it’s a heartfelt request from my friend, I must accept. To help without expecting anything in return is the duty of a good friend.]
…His voice grew closer.
[But Mr. Roe Deer, oh. One wonders how long someone who only ever one-sidedly receives services can go on exploiting the basis of friendship…]
……
Good thing I didn’t have a human body right now.
Otherwise I’d be frozen stiff with terror.
And.
– Wait, Braun.
I was at least able to say this calmly.
– I’m not asking for a one-sided request. I’m inviting you to join in, since you’re already here.
Because.
– It’ll be the most entertaining this way.
[…!]
– You’d hate to see this go the same predictable route as every other exploration case, ending in some hollow anticlimax, wouldn’t you? Surely you don’t want a plot that predictable?
– Not in a situation where you’re involved.
Of course not.
Of course!
– If you could turn this clichéd setup into something witty and original, wouldn’t you?
– Like in your own show.
[……]
Braun fell silent for a moment.
But then.
[Mr. Roe Deer, you really…!]
His voice trembled faintly, as if moved. I felt a warm weight pat my shoulder— how the hell though??
[You do know how to persuade. And…]
The pressure on my shoulder grew heavier.
[You also know how to invoke my pride as an entertainer only when it suits you. Sometimes even reacting as though hurt or offended by it.]
It felt like my heart was about to drop to the ground.
And then.
[…Hm. I’ll let it slide this time! That kind of fickleness is a mark of a true star, after all.]
The weight left my shoulder with a brisk pat.
[But don’t you forget that I have this quality, too.]
[At this rate, there may come a dramatic moment when that very quality meets yours, Mr. Roe Deer…]
……
[If not now, then someday!]
Phew.
– Of course.
…That was close.
‘That means there won’t be a next time.’
I’d have to tread very carefully from now on.
Still, for the moment, I was relieved my persuasion had worked.
‘Great.’
Suppressing a sigh of relief, I spoke to the current owner of this body, who had quietly listened to the entire exchange.
– Section Chief.
– Let’s take a gamble just this once.
Braun will…
‘Wreck the place completely.’
A cloudy morning at St. Anticus Boarding School.
“Hm, hm-hmm.”
A groom candidate was standing before a small washbasin mirror, neatly wiping away his shaving cream. A cleanly trimmed jawline emerged.
Then, he combed his hair with fragrant oil. A pleasant, low humming resonated from his throat, and soon, the brush swept down, skillfully smoothing back his hair.
Beneath that white hair, a refined face appeared.
Lee Jaheon.
He was wearing the same uniform as yesterday, the official attire of St. Anticus Boarding School.
But somehow, the impression it gave off was different. The way he wore it, the way he held the collar, it all changed…
“Much better.”
With the touch of a professional.
An esoteric being whose very being is founded on standing before cameras and presenting himself to the public smiled into the mirror.
Then he stepped lithely out the door.
Creak.
The dorm’s once austere, ascetic interior was now elegantly adorned with blue candles and white velvet.
Roses, lilies of the valley, baby’s breath, silver ornaments arranged beneath wax patterns melted by blue flames, truly…
Classical, and nothing to write home about.
“Oh. Good morning.”
Lee Jaheon sat at the breakfast table.
Masks, no, ideal pale bodies and faces crafted by superb makeup were arrayed on the chairs around the table.
Today’s menu had been pared down, to purify the body before the wedding.
Without touching the single glass of willow sap before his lips, Lee Jaheon asked cheerfully,
“Tomorrow is the long-awaited wedding day, yes?”
The education housemaster affirmed.
At the same time, the housemaster gently pointed out the candidate groom’s manner of speaking. It was overly ornate and flowing, and the striking accent failed to convey the reverent impression expected of a groom.
The pronunciation was also excessively New World.
“Oh, I will keep that in mind.”
With one hand he mimed zipping his lips, a deft and elegant gesture.
That too was not conduct befitting the White Bride’s groom, but since it was not judged enough to have ‘failed’, the housemaster did not impose a demerit.
It did, however, affect judgment.
Raising one eyebrow, the education housemaster looked around at those seated at the table and lifted a hand to lightly ring a silver goblet.
Like a bell announcing the time.
♩–
And he proclaimed it.
Among the candidates, only one.
The name of the most excellent and complete trainee who could become the ‘groom’ in tomorrow’s wedding.
That candidate is…
……
Not Lee Jaheon.
The alias he had used to enter this place was not called.
Lee Jaheon did not become the groom.
Regrettably!
“Hooh.”
However, the supervisor encouraged all the groom candidates, saying that they too had roles to play in the wedding.
This was news that Lee Jaheon had already heard before.
And with the notice that, for their introduction and preparation, everyone would move together to the ceremony hall in the afternoon, the announcement concluded.
Ah, additionally, among the experiential trainees there was a breakfast failure. He had retched under the table.
“No—!”
As a demerit, he was instructed to extract his own stomach through his throat and cleanse it.
In any case, with that, the training course formally came to an end.
Amid expectation, sorrow, and fear, they underwent the procedures of bathing and meditation to purify body and mind.
Lunch was not provided.
Instead, a single glass of white wine came with salt.
Lee Jaheon experienced it all with a smiling face.
And then.
♩– ♩–
The final bell rang.
Now the education housemaster led the trainees to the place where the wedding would be held.
Downward.
The door leading to the boarding school’s underground opened. The housemaster urged the trainees to go barefoot, and they removed their shoes and descended the steps. At every turn of the stair, candles melted and cast their light.
The stairs turned to stone and connected to the outdoors. The place there was…
A dark cave.
“……”
An ancient quartz cavern, the kind that seemed to have borne traces of human hands since long ago, revealed itself.
Farther in, a broad space appeared.
The wedding hall.
On the stone walls were inscribed unreadable characters, and there chairs for the guests, decorations, and even an altar for vows that had been prepared.
An uncanny place where old silver ornaments that ought to have rusted still gleamed in candlelight due to obsessive upkeep.
The blue flames of the candles burned the damp air, and roses, lilies of the valley, and baby’s breath bloomed with uncanny vividness.
And there…
The bride’s place, where a white dress had been set out.
This is the place.
The housemaster spoke with a raised voice.
The groom candidates, in your glory, would become important, beautiful, artistic elements to grace the wedding, and that, as the ceremony draws to a close, you all would be distributed to the guests as mementos.
And explained as such.
Does that excite you?
“Oh, of course. Works of art! My heart is pounding to know what magnificent creations you have in mind.”
Before correcting that impertinent manner of speech into something more groom-like, the housemaster smiled and explained.
From this point on…
You will become the wedding cake.
Isn’t that truly marvelous?
They would have the honor of taking on this vital role that adorns the grand finale of the wedding. There might even be a chance that a portion would enter the groom’s mouth. A few groom candidates dabbed at tears of emotion.
An experiential trainee who screamed and tried to run seemed unable to accept the disappointment of not being able to become cake.
As encouragement and assistance, the housemasters decided to use him as a practice cake before the main ceremony. Of course, he would not be served.
Because it could cause the dissatisfaction of the Great White-Handed Bride of Wrath who dwells beneath the land.
A trainee who failed to qualify as a groom candidate could not be used.
Becoming part of the wedding must rightfully be reserved for those who are grateful to have received training as the bride’s groom. Those who do not meet the standard must be content simply to attend.
“Hmm.”
And even among the wedding cake, there is a most honorable portion.
The very top tier.
“What kind of honor is that?”
The honor of becoming the bride’s share.
The top tier would be cut and served to the White Bride, to be placed upon the altar and offered in joy.
“I see.”
Thus, the education housemaster announced the candidate who would have the privilege of that joy…
You.
“Me?”
Correct.
Of all, your face is the most pleasing to behold. It shall become the piece offered to the White Bride.
The tongue that has fallen farthest from the groom’s standard will be neatly cut out, and the inside will be filled with rose cream.
“……”
The groom candidates seized Lee Jaheon. Those who would become the wedding cake with him smiled in joy and comradeship.
Those who were already dead.
A ghostly wedding ceremony, endlessly repeated by those buried alive and captured long ago by some strange, powerful being that had opened its eyes beneath the earth, was about to begin…
“Well now…”
The entertainment ghost story smiled brightly.
“What a classic.”
Oh?
“The White Bride! Oh, how delightfully classic to call human sacrifice a ‘wedding’. Quite the metaphor, isn’t it? Traditional, easy to grasp, and so very simple.”
Words poured out of him.
“It seems you’ve gone to great lengths to interpret an incomprehensibly overwhelming and terrifying relationship within the framework of human civilization!”
Clap, clap, clap…
“Oh, please don’t misunderstand. This is not criticism, but pity. Preserving tradition is important, truly… but it’s a shame when it’s nothing more than an empty ceremony with no real substance!”
He slid on a pair of gloves he had taken from his pocket and re-adjusted his attire with flair.
Then he asked.
“Has anyone here recently learned what the White Bride truly likes?”
Silence.
“I thought as much. Unadventurous, the lot of you.
“How many times have you repeated this farce? By now, the Bride must be sick and tired of it. You keep feeding her the same tedious offerings, those meek, bearable sacrifices, those so-called ‘grooms’!
“At the very least, the ceremony should be entertaining enough to make her want to sit through it, don’t you think? But a wedding cake? Guest invitations? Party favors? How tiresomely unoriginal!”
The torrent of sharp words pierced right through their hearts.
Those frozen stiff stood motionless, listening to his voice.
But there was one person barely suppressing the urge to pump his fist in triumph.
‘That’s it.’
Well done, Braun!
It was Kim Soleum, whose consciousness was linked within Lee Jaheon’s mind.
He had been watching Braun’s performance with his heart pounding with a sense of unease, but now he could finally let out a sigh of relief.
‘It’s working as expected…’
This was the true ‘full-frontal breakthrough’.
Namely.
‘Wreck the whole wedding!’
Cause such chaos that the boarding school’s mental structure collapses, forcing it to release all the candidates and postpone the ceremony.
Of course, the necessary factors to achiev this were: surviving, avoiding retaliation, and successfully persuading the ghost story…
But incredibly, the one capable of doing all that, the being within the ghost story with overwhelming influence, was now connected to their consciousness.
A certain talk show host.
The legendary entertainer himself.
And since this boarding school ghost story was itself structured around an event, it was even more vulnerable to his influence…
Just take look at this spectacle.
‘And as a bonus, there won’t even be a need to drain blood anymore.’
Perfect.
“So, does anyone here know what we should do next?”
In Lee Jaheon’s field of vision, Braun could be seen raising a hand high.
Right, let’s tell them to rethink their next wedding properly and then disband…
“Survival!”
……
Eh?
“A refined yet desperate battle until only one groom candidate remains alive!”
Wait what.
Clatter.
The spoon dropped from Eun Haje’s mouth.
Just the day before yesterday, she had finally been released by the Disaster Management Bureau with a verdict of ‘Resigned from Daydream Inc. / No charges’, and had returned home to her MySweet Officetel unit, but…
“…What in the actual fuck am I watching right now?”
She stared blankly at the screen.
The television in her officetel unit was playing some kind of insane late-night show.
[Your Perfect Groom : Be Chosen by the Bride!]
On the screen, styled like an early-20th-century black-and-white TV show, a bizarre matchmaking program was airing.
And the host was someone very familiar.
“Section Chief?”